Thievery

If you leave your iPhone on your desk, unattended, it’s your own damn fault if it gets stolen.

1.  Electronic devices like that aren’t allowed in school.

2.  Since you’re not supposed to have it in school, I don’t care if someone took it!

3.  If you get it back, you should be smart enough to learn the lesson that you should have never had it out in the first place!

Did the lesson get learned today?  I’m not sure.  Who was the thief?

Me.

Sometimes I just can’t resist a little joking with the kids to teach them a lesson.  Larry had left his iPhone on his desk and was trying to win a CD for New Tunes Tuesday on our morning announcements.  That involves being the 3rd caller to the room that does the tv production stuff.  So Larry had gone to the phone to call.  The iPhone is just sitting there.  I couldn’t just leave it.  It was too enticing to pass up!  So I casually walk by and grab it.  I was just going to shut the thing off, but honestly, I couldn’t figure out how.  I did see that he was on Facebook…  So I decided to just put it in my drawer under my overhead projector for the time being.

Larry comes back to his desk and realizes that the iPhone has disappeared.  He starts asking his friends and they all play along and say they don’t have it.  I innocently ask, “Larry, what’s going on?”

“Nothin’.” – he’s obviously starting to worry.

I let him squirm for a few minutes.  Timing is everything here.  You don’t want them to work themselves into a tizzy.  Once they’ve gone off the deep end with worry about losing their expensive gadget you never know if you can get them back.  Plus, his friends were going to cave.

“Larry, is this what you’re looking for?” – iPhone in my hand, twinkle in my eye.

Relief comes across his face.  He’s darn lucky that it’s me who has his toy.  But for now, it’s mine.  So it gets locked in the closet for the remainder of the period.  A small price to pay for leaving your iPhone unattended.

Feelin’ my Core

When do you ever really feel your core?  Lately, I’ve been feeling it a lot.  I recently took up kettlebells.  This one little piece of equipment completely kicks my ass.  As you can see, it’s 26 pounds.  There are a variety of things you can do with it.  But the beauty of it is that you don’t have to do much to see/feel a difference.

I started doing kettlebells because I was feeling like I had lost muscle strength over the last few years.  My massage therapist recommended kettlebells and there just happens to be a class every Tuesday and Thursday morning at that location.  I was only able to go to four classes in June.  But I signed up for all of July.  I have another teacher friend that is doing it.  We basically figured that if we signed up for the month we’d actually do it.

The first time I did kettlebells I was so sore that I could hardly move.  I haven’t been that sore since I hiked the Inca trail!  (~30 miles and 6000 steps over the course of 4 days).  I was so sore that I had to put my hands on the toilet seat and lower myself down. Sorry for that visual, but you have no idea how much of a workout you’re going to get.

The main thing that you do are swings.  You are in a squatting position and you hold the bell with both hands and swing it between your legs.  You stand on the upswing and tighten your butt.  On the downswing, you bend your knees and then do it all over again.  You keep doing it until you’re fatigued.  It doesn’t take long.

There’s also a lift where you start with the bell on the ground and do sort of a “clean and jerk” up to your shoulder.  After you get it into that position, you use your other hand for stability and squat down all the way.  Then as you stand you bring the bell up so your arm is extended over your head.  We do this several times.  Last week I accidentally bonked myself in the cheek on the way up.  At least it was with my hand and not the bell!  You can also do curls with it (when you hold it with both hands).

Another thing we’ve done to work our core is to be in a push up position.  Your back is parallel with the ground, so there’s a slight bend at your waist.  (It’s different from plank position in yoga.)  Pick up your right hand and bring it to your waist without shifting your weight.  Then do it with the left.  It’s amazing how much this works your core.

It’s not like we do a gazillion reps of any of this.  Just a little goes a long way.  And the beauty of it, is once you learn the different things to do, you can easily do them on your own.  Have I done that yet?  Not exactly.  I’ve done some swings at home, but that’s about it.  But I do have the knowledge.  And that’s a start.

You never know…

what you’ll find during locker clean out.

Yesterday was the big locker clean out. I’ve been doing this extra job for at least 5 years now. For the job, I’m responsible for assigning the lockers in the fall, and cleaning them out in the spring. At clean out time, I also change the combinations.

This is a big job, but my predecessor taught me how to make it easier. I hire about 5 students to help. And in the last 2 years, I’ve had a few help me with changing the combinations. Every year we seem to be getting more efficient. This year, I sent the last of my helpers home a mere 3 hours after we started.

Normally we just find books, papers and clothing. But this year there were a few interesting finds…

Helper #1: What should I do with this?

Me: Throw it in the trash!

He was holding a condom.

I was taking the trash out of one locker and found an empty Plan B box. If you don’t know what that is, you can ask around…

Helper #2: Is that a nut cup?!?

It’s good that I had latex gloves. I don’t know if I would have realized what I was picking up. I was just thinking about getting all of the trash taken care of instead of the contents.

Locker clean out is a true signal that it’s the end of the year. Only a few days to go!

Sense of Smell

I’ve never thought of myself as someone with a good sense of smell.  Depending on the situation, this can be a good thing or a bad thing.  (I have a friend that is a surgeon that is very thankful for his poor sense of smell.)  It’s not that I can’t smell things.  It’s just that I’m not very discerning.

For instance, I’m taking another wine class right now.  Do I smell the peaches or apricots?  Nope.  I know that I like what I’m smelling, but that’s about it.

On Thursday morning I smelled that all too familiar smell of weed.  Some kid had just gotten high and must have walked by my door.  It was that smell that seemed to be combined with a touch of sweaty, dirty clothing.  You can’t help but make a face when thinking of this smell.

I walked into the stairwell.  Nothin’.  Every other kid in the hallway noticed it and was wondering where it was coming from.  I even innocently said to one of them, “This is pot we’re smelling, right?”  Head nods.

All day I could faintly smell this stinky stuff.  Finally when 4th hour came around I asked another teacher if he could smell it.  He could.  But barely.  I was guessing that it was in a locker.  That teacher was on prep and informed an assistant principal.  Sure enough, after a little searching…  Jackpot.  The clothing in the locker just wreaked.

I’m kind of amazed at myself.  Normally I’m not that astute at catching kids that have smoked something.  I usually consider myself pretty clueless when it comes to that stuff.  I’m quite innocent, you see.    Score one for Ms. B!

Not the brightest bulbs

I was talking with another teacher today.  Her room has windows that open up to one of our courtyards.  When the weather gets nice, they open it up during lunch and kids can sit at a few picnic tables, play hacky sack, or whatever during the lunch hour.

So during class, she’s busy teaching and looks out the window.  There’s Bobby.  He’s supposed to be in her class at that very moment.  The other kids look out the window and see him too.

Lesson:  If you’re going to skip class, don’t be THAT stupid about it.

Learn to Spell!

Today was the first day of the new semester.  Since we’re on a block schedule, that means that I got all new students.  I generally look on this as a good thing.  As with the beginning of the year, I get to learn the names of all the kids in my classes.  But before that happens, I have to learn how to pronounce them.

I have one request for the world in general.  It’s not that hard…  Really.  Learn to spell!  If you’re going to name your kid after a country or a continent, spell it like it is.  And if you name your kid some wacky name and I mis-pronounce it?  Not my fault!    You are the one that can’t spell and has disregarded all rules of the language.  Names from other countries I have no issue with at all.  But when you make something up, you’re setting your kid up to have some issues.   You better prepare them for the mispronunciation game for the future, because it’s going to happen.

When I first started teaching I had a kid named Shan.  He pronounced it Shane.  Clearly, a mis-spelling.  I have another one that sounds like the (former) country, Taiwan.  It’s definitely not spelled that way.  There’s another with the name of that far off continent in the east.  I would have thought to say it like the name Sasha with how it’s spelled.  Don’t even get me started with all of the apostrophes!  Yikes!

Hopefully I’ll get through the semester without stepping on anyone’s toes.  God help me if I ever call one Zany – like it’s spelled.

A Dream

Student:  Ms B – Guess what?  I had a dream about you?

Me:  Really?

Student:  My dream was that you were my step-mom.

Me: Oh Geeze!  That would be a nightmare!  Not you, but just the step-mom thing in general.  I can’t imagine being anyone’s mom.

Student:  You were cool.  We were shopping together.

Photo Booth

During the past week, my sister and her family were in town. Since they live far away, I spent as much time as I could over at my parents’ house. When I first got this laptop, I tried out the Photo Booth application. Sharkey told me about her nieces and nephew playing with it. Since this was my first opportunity to see what they’d do, I brought over my laptop and showed them the program. It was amazing how quickly they figured out how to work it and use the touch pad. I don’t know how many photos I have of them now, but they’re sure fun to see!

A first

I had a first today. It’s not the kind of first that you want to have.

I understand that students have no concept of their teachers’ ages or the fact that you have a life outside of the school building. Many of my students also have a very skewed view of when certain milestones in your life should happen. But today was over the top… I suppose technically it could happen.

“Ms B. Do you have grand kids?”

WTF!?! I’m 38.

Hugs

Hugs are great.  I love hugs.  Family, friends, loved ones.  Fabulous.  Students?  Not so much…

I’m not exactly sure where you learn it (probably teacher school), but touching a student is something you are taught to avoid.  Occasionally there’s a pat on the back here and there.  But you can quickly ascertain when that’s ok and when it’s not.  Some students you know would flip a gasket if you touched them.  Others see you as a surrogate parent and are starving for some kind of contact.  And some students are just the huggy type.

I never initiate a hug with a student.  But no matter what, some student will try to hug you over the course of your career.  You have to figure out how you’re going to deal with it.  If you’re not the touchy-feely type (like me), it’s especially awkward.

We’ve all had experience with the unexpected hug from a student.  What do you do?  They’re hugging you and you’ve got this freaked out look on your face (or at least in your head).  You’re really stuck.  If you completely reject them it would be horrendous.  There are a variety of options…

Finger Tap Hug:  As you round your shoulders to avoid as much body to body contact as possible, you tap your fingers on the back of their shoulders.

Hand Shake Hug:  If you’re lucky enough to see it coming, you can get your hand in there to shake their’s and the left hand does the finger tap thing.

Sideways:  Try to angle your body so it’s the sideways arm around the shoulder with a slight squeeze.

Smelly Hug:  Hold your breath and try to employ any of the above options.  Some kids just haven’t learned proper hygiene or live in situations where they can’t wash clothes as often as they should.  Not much you can do about it, unless you want to have a really uncomfortable conversation with them.

At all costs, avoid any chest to chest contact.  I’ve never had a student try that before.  It’s ok to explain that you’re not really the hugging type.  I have a friend that has the 2 foot rule with her classes.  This way they can’t hug her or each other.

But the bottom line is that you have to share your experience with your colleagues.  We all have had these awkward experiences and it’s a common denominator amongst all teachers.  You will bust a gut at sharing your hug stories.  Laughter is how you survive this profession and keep your sanity.