Lots of Letters

This is the first installment about the class I’m taking.  The speakers were on Monday, July, 26th.

GLBTQ               PFLAG

Do you know what they stand for?  GLBTQ = Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender and Questioning.  PFLAG is an organization for Parents and Friends of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Persons.

Nationally, there are only 5 districts that support GLBT programs in schools.  That’s sad.  The happy news is that my district is one of the five.  Another one of the five is the big city district next to us.  The first speaker happened to be from the program in my district.

Our speaker, Miriam, did a nice job in explaining the issues.  First, GLB are the letters that most people understand.  They have to do with who you are attracted to.  T = Transgender.  The way she explained it is when the outside doesn’t match the inside.  On the inside, you know whether you’re male or female.  But if your parts don’t match your gender on the inside,  that’s when transgender comes into play.

One of the things she explained that I thought was helpful is the continuum of sexuality.  She used a 6 point scale.  Zero would align with straight. Three would be bisexual and six would be gay.  Everyone fits somewhere on the scale depending on who you are emotionally, intellectually and physically attracted to.  Having a continuum allows for all of the variation and kids seem to deal with that much easier than adults.

“That’s so gay.”  How many times have you heard that in your classroom?  What do you do about it?  I usually recognize that someone has said it and mention that what they’re trying to say has nothing to do with sexual orientation.  Miriam suggested a nice strategy.  Name it.  Claim it. Stop it.  Basically you acknowledge that a harassing comment was made, state the school policy that we don’t do that and then ask them to change their behavior in the future.  She also gave us a list of words to express dissatisfaction.  In other words, replacing the word gay in “That’s so gay.”

The speakers from PFLAG were all parents.  One was the parent of a transgender male and there was a couple whose son came out to them when he was 15 years old.

Can you imagine your 3-year-old daughter telling you that she was a boy and wanting to be called by a boy’s name?  What would you do?  Steve is lucky that Florence is his mom.  I can imagine many parents would act differently than Florence did.  She turned into the strongest advocate for her child that she could be.  She explained how difficult life was for Steve in the early grades.  Teachers and Principals didn’t know how to treat her child.  Something as simple as going to the bathroom was a major issue.  Eventually everything worked out and Steve went through school and was only known as a boy.  But Florence was clearly navigating unchartered territory.

Gretchen and Tom have four children.  When he was 15, their youngest son had an argument with his father and blurted out that he was gay.  Up until that point, David was a wonderful student and well-rounded kid.  He had started withdrawing from his family and they couldn’t figure out why.

Gretchen and Tom both articulated how they reacted to the news and how they worked their way through this new revelation.  PFLAG was an enormous help.  They were able to meet families that had dealt with the same issue and were living happy and normal lives.  The main thing that they stressed in telling their story was that the bottom line is that your child just wants to be loved and accepted for who they are.  And that’s what they did.

In hearing these stories, it made me think about students that I know are gay or lesbian.  At my school, it seems like students are fairly accepting.  I’ve seen lesbian couples holding hands in the hallway.  There are some openly gay boys and the students seem to just leave them be.  I remember a particular student a few years ago – he was such a good dancer that no one seemed to care that he was gay.  There are a few girls that dress like the boys.  I mean really dress like the boys – saggy pants, long t-shirts, baseball caps, etc.  Now I wonder if they are transgender or cross dressing.  One of them went into the boys’ bathroom and caused quite a ruckus last year.  How do schools accommodate those kids?  Clearly, something needs to happen.  I’m not sure how it’s addressed in my school, but I intend to find out.

Here are a few resources:  GLSEN,  Teaching Tolerance, aMaze - Families all Matter book project,  Out for Equity, Out 4 Good.